Sacred Duty

[spuffycrusade83]

It is my birthright to wipe out these creatures. To see that they are dust in the wind. But then, why is it so hard to destroy him? Why can't I just get with the staking and be done with it?

I was determined to not let his words affect me. To not let him see what it's doing to me.

I'm a slayer, one girl in all the world chosen to destroy things like him.

For some reason, I find that I can't. Even if I wanted to...........

We are not normal.

We live for the kill.

We are savagery.

I wish it wasn't true, but I can no longer deny it. The slayer isn't the perfect human being. She is made to be a killing machine. I hurt Spike. God, how I hurt him. How I used him only to run like the coward that I am. I want to let him soothe it all away............

It's so easy to turn into a coward again. Because it's the only way.

Only way to not get hurt.

I was wrong. It wasn't the demon I was afraid of. It was the man behind the demon.

I'm not good with men. They leave me in so many different ways. They could die for being "normal." They could leave me behind to clean up my own mess. They could use me for sex. In the end, they still leave.

Did it matter if I'm perfect?

Should it matter..........?

[spuffycrusade83]

I suppose I could try to love him the way he should be loved.

I mean, I'm not good at love.

I can't be.

"Spike..........?"

I watch as he pulled himself up reluctantly.

Nice way to start Buffy, wake him up from his beauty sleep.

He looks my way and I blush.

He always does that to me.

Spike, I repeat again.

"Don't want you to see me like this.............."

I frown. What didn't he want me to see?

I hesitantly took another step forward. I can already imagine what I would find.

Sure enough my guess is correct.

I did nothing but stare.

I must have really went too far this time.

[spuffycrusade83]

I gave him my blood to help him heal faster. They say a slayer's blood will do the trick on any vampire.

Spike refused to take it. Says it's from me and he won't be able to stop himself if he does. I told him that I trust him and urged his face to my neck. He licked it before I felt a sting against my skin. It hurt at first but then the pleasure took over.

The sensation lasted for only a minute before he pulled away. He licked it to stop the flow.

I want to see those beautiful blue sparks light up with renewed confidence.

I want to see him alive again.