Post by JamesMFan on Sept 21, 2005 8:27:11 GMT -5
I was bored, so I decided to post this here, also because I rarely seem to post my fics here. I wonder why.
A/N: Okay, this piece of madness is down to a little something I like to call “Fandrew Showdown!” Having asked for inspiration for another fic to write (other than my dear old Spuffy - the ship not the admin) I was confronted with the prospect of writing a fic about Andrew and Faith. It could be any genre, any length, any rating. This is set during BTVS Season 7.
Disclaimer: None of this is mine. The characters of Faith and Andrew are Mr. Whedon’s creation. I just like to toy with them.
AKA “Fandrew – The Final Farce”
Faith was horny. Faith was mostly always horny, but this was different. Being incarcerated for so long with only big ugly Bertha types to look at had made her as horny as a...horny thing.
Walking down the stairs of Buffy’s house in Revello Drive; Faith couldn’t help but wish that maybe she’d bump into Xander or, even better, Spike. No, no, not him. He was too whipped; Buffy’s pet vampire. Faith knew from past experience that when guys went Buffy they didn’t seem to go back. So, not him. Xander would be willing though. She was pretty sure of that.
There was no sign of him. For a moment she even envisaged herself breaking the front windows in the lounge. Xander liked to repair windows. He’d come right over. But, no. B would be pissed. Faith was so not in the mood for another one of her “you have to learn some responsibility, Faith” speeches. Blah, blah, blah.
Jesus, she was horny.
She’d even settle for Giles right about now. He had the whole sexy English older man vibe going on. Faith was willing to bet that under all those stuffy clothes there was a raring sexual deviant just waiting to be let loose.
Sighing, she reached the bottom step and then turned looking into the living room of the way overcrowded house. No-one in there, just a bunch of rolled up sleeping bags and other various girly girl things spread about.
Faith wished it wasn’t so hot. Wearing jeans and a white tank top, feet bare and hair loose she was still covered in a fine sheen of sweat. The Slayer was on the prowl. Anything vaguely resembling testosterone would do.
A chipper, upbeat humming started from the kitchen as if on cue.
Faith turned and frowned. She walked slowly from the living room and into the kitchen area that was usually overrun with pipsqueaks. Strangely the house seemed empty today. Except for her.
And Andrew.
He was hovering over the kitchen island with big pink oven mitts on, waving one hand over a tray of steaming cookies. Andrew had never looked better. Faith leaned against the doorframe and watched as, seemingly in slow-motion, he wiped an oven-mitted hand against his forehead seductively. Closing his eyes and biting down on his bottom lip, a trickle of sweat running down the bridge of his nose.
“Ow!” Andrew yapped suddenly snapping Faith out of her trance.
She stood up straighter “What’s up, Sparky?”
He did a comical jump and pressed a hand to his chest “Oh, it’s you! You gave me quite a fright there, Miss Dark Slayer. I thought it was the First come to try and involve me in one of its evil schemes again”
“Uh huh...” She looked him over “What’s with the cry of geek-like pain?”
“Oh, I bit my lip” Andrew pulled the oven mitts off and pressed one finger to his injured lip “Which, by the way, really hurts” he whined.
She sashayed into the kitchen, walking around the kitchen counter to come up beside him “Want me to kiss it better?”
“Ha...ha ha ha...ha” Andrew let out a rather pitiful outburst of fake laughter, and then he brightened again “Oh, the cookies must be left out to cool!”
Faith tilted her head “Where is everybody, anyway?”
“You mean Buffy and the girls?” He asked as he dished the food out onto a cooling tray.
“Yeah, and, you know, the guys”
“Oh, well Buffy took the Potentials for a little field trip – some demon nest in the town across from here. She took Spike too, of course” Andrew nodded “I asked to go but apparently my expertise was more needed here. You know, to, like...look after the fortress and all”
Faith arched an eyebrow “...Uh huh. Nice of her to include me on her little bonding trip with the wannabes”
“Well, you know, she probably still thinks you’re evil”
“Probably,” Faith agreed “Must be why she left me with you”
Andrew took a tiny step backwards, hands pressed to his hips as he regarded her “But, you’re not, right? Not, evil? I mean...I know you’ve still got that evil, wicked energy surrounding you like the cloak of Doctor Doom but...you’re a nice Slayer now...right?”
She laughed, jumping up to sit on the countertop “Mostly. I’ll never be the kind of girl you’d want to bring home to mom. Or, in your case...your Dragon’s and Dwarfs group or whatever”
“It’s Dungeons and Dragons!” Andrew corrected her indignantly, then added “And we only meet on Tuesdays. At least, we used to. Before the big funky evil started to do its mambo of death in this town”
“And before you killed a guy”
“Well, that too”
Faith watched as he continued to place his carefully made cookies onto a tray. She noticed the way the sleeves of his ripe-smelling shirt fit against his skinny arms. The way his hair looked like it was greased up by cooking fat. It was wrong that she found him entirely sexy in that moment. So, so, very wrong.
“Faith?” Andrew was waving a mitt her in face “Hell-o, Faith? Captain Archer to the Starship Enterprise – do you read me?”
She slapped the mitt out of her face “What?”
“You went all Professor Xavier on me”
“And, in actual Earth-speak that means?”
“You spaced out” He replied, rolling his eyes “Is there no-one in this house that gets me?”
“I’ll get you. If I want”
Andrew looked at her, eyes narrowed “...Ha...ha? Anyway, I can’t wait for the girls to come back. I made these cookies especially for them. An army marches on its stomach. I made chocolate chip and oatmeal...and okay, the banana ones didn’t really turn out as I hoped, but –”
“Andrew!” She interrupted.
He jumped a little, looked at her wearily “Yes?”
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Well –”
“Scratch that. I’m just gonna ask away” Faith leaned forward towards him, the extra height she gained by sitting on the kitchen island made her seem more foreboding to him “Have you ever been with a woman?”
Andrew opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again “...Well...Faith...that’s a...that’s a very personal question. You know, a gentleman never kisses and tells...”
“So, that’s a no” Faith slid off the counter “Thought so”
“Hey!” He protested, folding his arms in a huff.
She chuckled “It must be tough for you, though. A young, good-looking guy like yourself...stuck in a house full of girls not willing to put out”
“I don’t see girls in that way. I mean the girls!” He quickly corrected himself, nodding.
Faith took a step closer to him “Just seeing them every day and every night. Bunch of teases the lot of them...”
Andrew took a step back “Oh, I think they’re all great girls. I mean, sure, more consideration might be nice with the leaving of muddy footprints on the floor...”
“You must just be dying for a good...” Faith placed her hands against his chest and pushed him into the sideboard; Andrew emitted a little squeak “...time”
“I have another batch of cookies in the oven!” He announced as he attempted to get around her.
She held him fast “But you don’t really want a girl. Do you, Andrew?”
He gasped “What have you heard!? Has Warren/The First been spreading lies about me again?”
“What? No!” Faith frowned then regained her composure “I mean; you don’t want a girl to do a woman’s job. Experience is key”
Andrew pointed to the oven “Uh...my cookies need nurturing”
“I’m sure they do” She said in a very knowing way.
“Yuh huh. I made a special batch for Xander and Spike. I made Xander the extra chocolate-y ones because he is really addicted to cocoa and I thought about making Spike some blood cookies but it just wasn’t doable. So, instead I made him ones with little white chocolate chips in them because I noticed he had a sweet tooth for white chocolate...”
Faith watched him; her brow furrowed “You know that much about Xander and Spike?”
Andrew beamed “Well, yeah. I mean...its just little things. The men of the household have to keep strong. I mean, they have muscles to maintain...and they need their hunger satisfied...”
“Uh...huh...”
Faith watched as Andrew yammered on and on about how Spike needed to keep his strength up so he could keep his six-pack and how Xander worked so hard with his carpentry that a good snack was paramount.
Clearly, Andrew was not and would never be interested in any Faith action.
She took a few steps back “You know what, Andrew? I’ll let you get back to your cookies. The men need you to look out for them”
“Okay!” He smiled cheerfully, picking up a spatula “It was nice talking with you Faith. We should do it again sometime!”
She turned and left the kitchen, rolling her eyes. Faith went back upstairs. Since actual male contact didn’t seem possible right now, she had another idea.
“B’s bound to have something under her mattress I can use in my time of need...”
A/N: Okay, this piece of madness is down to a little something I like to call “Fandrew Showdown!” Having asked for inspiration for another fic to write (other than my dear old Spuffy - the ship not the admin) I was confronted with the prospect of writing a fic about Andrew and Faith. It could be any genre, any length, any rating. This is set during BTVS Season 7.
Disclaimer: None of this is mine. The characters of Faith and Andrew are Mr. Whedon’s creation. I just like to toy with them.
Strange Bedfellows
AKA “Fandrew – The Final Farce”
Faith was horny. Faith was mostly always horny, but this was different. Being incarcerated for so long with only big ugly Bertha types to look at had made her as horny as a...horny thing.
Walking down the stairs of Buffy’s house in Revello Drive; Faith couldn’t help but wish that maybe she’d bump into Xander or, even better, Spike. No, no, not him. He was too whipped; Buffy’s pet vampire. Faith knew from past experience that when guys went Buffy they didn’t seem to go back. So, not him. Xander would be willing though. She was pretty sure of that.
There was no sign of him. For a moment she even envisaged herself breaking the front windows in the lounge. Xander liked to repair windows. He’d come right over. But, no. B would be pissed. Faith was so not in the mood for another one of her “you have to learn some responsibility, Faith” speeches. Blah, blah, blah.
Jesus, she was horny.
She’d even settle for Giles right about now. He had the whole sexy English older man vibe going on. Faith was willing to bet that under all those stuffy clothes there was a raring sexual deviant just waiting to be let loose.
Sighing, she reached the bottom step and then turned looking into the living room of the way overcrowded house. No-one in there, just a bunch of rolled up sleeping bags and other various girly girl things spread about.
Faith wished it wasn’t so hot. Wearing jeans and a white tank top, feet bare and hair loose she was still covered in a fine sheen of sweat. The Slayer was on the prowl. Anything vaguely resembling testosterone would do.
A chipper, upbeat humming started from the kitchen as if on cue.
Faith turned and frowned. She walked slowly from the living room and into the kitchen area that was usually overrun with pipsqueaks. Strangely the house seemed empty today. Except for her.
And Andrew.
He was hovering over the kitchen island with big pink oven mitts on, waving one hand over a tray of steaming cookies. Andrew had never looked better. Faith leaned against the doorframe and watched as, seemingly in slow-motion, he wiped an oven-mitted hand against his forehead seductively. Closing his eyes and biting down on his bottom lip, a trickle of sweat running down the bridge of his nose.
“Ow!” Andrew yapped suddenly snapping Faith out of her trance.
She stood up straighter “What’s up, Sparky?”
He did a comical jump and pressed a hand to his chest “Oh, it’s you! You gave me quite a fright there, Miss Dark Slayer. I thought it was the First come to try and involve me in one of its evil schemes again”
“Uh huh...” She looked him over “What’s with the cry of geek-like pain?”
“Oh, I bit my lip” Andrew pulled the oven mitts off and pressed one finger to his injured lip “Which, by the way, really hurts” he whined.
She sashayed into the kitchen, walking around the kitchen counter to come up beside him “Want me to kiss it better?”
“Ha...ha ha ha...ha” Andrew let out a rather pitiful outburst of fake laughter, and then he brightened again “Oh, the cookies must be left out to cool!”
Faith tilted her head “Where is everybody, anyway?”
“You mean Buffy and the girls?” He asked as he dished the food out onto a cooling tray.
“Yeah, and, you know, the guys”
“Oh, well Buffy took the Potentials for a little field trip – some demon nest in the town across from here. She took Spike too, of course” Andrew nodded “I asked to go but apparently my expertise was more needed here. You know, to, like...look after the fortress and all”
Faith arched an eyebrow “...Uh huh. Nice of her to include me on her little bonding trip with the wannabes”
“Well, you know, she probably still thinks you’re evil”
“Probably,” Faith agreed “Must be why she left me with you”
Andrew took a tiny step backwards, hands pressed to his hips as he regarded her “But, you’re not, right? Not, evil? I mean...I know you’ve still got that evil, wicked energy surrounding you like the cloak of Doctor Doom but...you’re a nice Slayer now...right?”
She laughed, jumping up to sit on the countertop “Mostly. I’ll never be the kind of girl you’d want to bring home to mom. Or, in your case...your Dragon’s and Dwarfs group or whatever”
“It’s Dungeons and Dragons!” Andrew corrected her indignantly, then added “And we only meet on Tuesdays. At least, we used to. Before the big funky evil started to do its mambo of death in this town”
“And before you killed a guy”
“Well, that too”
Faith watched as he continued to place his carefully made cookies onto a tray. She noticed the way the sleeves of his ripe-smelling shirt fit against his skinny arms. The way his hair looked like it was greased up by cooking fat. It was wrong that she found him entirely sexy in that moment. So, so, very wrong.
“Faith?” Andrew was waving a mitt her in face “Hell-o, Faith? Captain Archer to the Starship Enterprise – do you read me?”
She slapped the mitt out of her face “What?”
“You went all Professor Xavier on me”
“And, in actual Earth-speak that means?”
“You spaced out” He replied, rolling his eyes “Is there no-one in this house that gets me?”
“I’ll get you. If I want”
Andrew looked at her, eyes narrowed “...Ha...ha? Anyway, I can’t wait for the girls to come back. I made these cookies especially for them. An army marches on its stomach. I made chocolate chip and oatmeal...and okay, the banana ones didn’t really turn out as I hoped, but –”
“Andrew!” She interrupted.
He jumped a little, looked at her wearily “Yes?”
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Well –”
“Scratch that. I’m just gonna ask away” Faith leaned forward towards him, the extra height she gained by sitting on the kitchen island made her seem more foreboding to him “Have you ever been with a woman?”
Andrew opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again “...Well...Faith...that’s a...that’s a very personal question. You know, a gentleman never kisses and tells...”
“So, that’s a no” Faith slid off the counter “Thought so”
“Hey!” He protested, folding his arms in a huff.
She chuckled “It must be tough for you, though. A young, good-looking guy like yourself...stuck in a house full of girls not willing to put out”
“I don’t see girls in that way. I mean the girls!” He quickly corrected himself, nodding.
Faith took a step closer to him “Just seeing them every day and every night. Bunch of teases the lot of them...”
Andrew took a step back “Oh, I think they’re all great girls. I mean, sure, more consideration might be nice with the leaving of muddy footprints on the floor...”
“You must just be dying for a good...” Faith placed her hands against his chest and pushed him into the sideboard; Andrew emitted a little squeak “...time”
“I have another batch of cookies in the oven!” He announced as he attempted to get around her.
She held him fast “But you don’t really want a girl. Do you, Andrew?”
He gasped “What have you heard!? Has Warren/The First been spreading lies about me again?”
“What? No!” Faith frowned then regained her composure “I mean; you don’t want a girl to do a woman’s job. Experience is key”
Andrew pointed to the oven “Uh...my cookies need nurturing”
“I’m sure they do” She said in a very knowing way.
“Yuh huh. I made a special batch for Xander and Spike. I made Xander the extra chocolate-y ones because he is really addicted to cocoa and I thought about making Spike some blood cookies but it just wasn’t doable. So, instead I made him ones with little white chocolate chips in them because I noticed he had a sweet tooth for white chocolate...”
Faith watched him; her brow furrowed “You know that much about Xander and Spike?”
Andrew beamed “Well, yeah. I mean...its just little things. The men of the household have to keep strong. I mean, they have muscles to maintain...and they need their hunger satisfied...”
“Uh...huh...”
Faith watched as Andrew yammered on and on about how Spike needed to keep his strength up so he could keep his six-pack and how Xander worked so hard with his carpentry that a good snack was paramount.
Clearly, Andrew was not and would never be interested in any Faith action.
She took a few steps back “You know what, Andrew? I’ll let you get back to your cookies. The men need you to look out for them”
“Okay!” He smiled cheerfully, picking up a spatula “It was nice talking with you Faith. We should do it again sometime!”
She turned and left the kitchen, rolling her eyes. Faith went back upstairs. Since actual male contact didn’t seem possible right now, she had another idea.
“B’s bound to have something under her mattress I can use in my time of need...”
~ The End ~
hehehe...Andrew,,just too cute 
*imagens him baking cookies*
