Post by JamesMFan on Jul 20, 2005 13:43:23 GMT -5
This took me about 10 mins to write but I feel it's my best work to date. 
"ALIAS" Types itself up on screen loudly.
A big ol' title comes up on screen "Los Angeles" whooshs across the screen.
----------------
Sydney sat in an office chair looking pretty. Marshall sat behind her, eyeing her up with his bulgy eyes.
Jack Bristow strode towards his daughter purposefully "Sydney, I've got something grave to tell you" his tone gruff.
"Dad?" Sydney's voice quavered "What is it? Are you okay?"
"No, no I don't think I am"
She stands "What happened?"
"I...I burnt my toast this morning!" Jack sobbed.
Sydney's eyes widened "Oh, dad!"
They embraced.
Jack pulled back "No. No hugging. I'm too manly. Oh, by the way I killed your mother again"
Before Sydney could react, a deep, rather sexy Russian voice spoke up.
"No, Jack, you simply THOUGHT you did" Irena Derevko snarked.
Jack spun around, shocked "Irena!"
"Yeah, bitch" She nodded smugly, pointing a nifty looking gun at him "I faked my death"
Sydney gasped "Again?"
Her mother smiled "And now it's time for me to pop a cap in your ass, Jack"
"Bugger" Jack muttered as Irena shot him in-between the eyes.
"Nooo!" Sydney screamed as her father crumpled to the floor in the middle of the L.A office "Mom, you Russki Ho!You just killed the love of my life"
Everyone in the office froze.
Weisz grimaced "Ew"
"Sydney, I thought I was the love of your life?!" Arvin Sloane wailed coming up to the side of her and putting his hand on her shoulder.
"Eccccch!" Sydney squirmed out of his reach, looked at him over her shoulder "Puh-lease. You were just a booty call"
Arvin dropped to his knees sobbing.
Sydney turned back to Irena "Sorry, mom. I have to kill you now. To avenge my father's death"
Jack sat up, rubbing his head wound "What makes you think I'm dead?"
"Dude," Weisz frowned "Why won't anyone in your family just die?"
"Shut up, Weisz" Sydney scowled "Some things have to remain a mystery. Like why you're a CIA agent when you're a whole can of lard-ass"
Weisz put a hand to his chest, appalled "I'm big boned!"
"No, you're just plain boned" Sydney announced, shooting him in the head.
Irena's eyebrows raised "Da-am, bitch! That was cold"
Jack scrambled up and barrelled into his former KGB, now member of the lady's auxillary, ex-wife. They grappled on the floor.
Sydney burst into song "Does anybody even nooootice? Does anybody eeeeeeeven care?"
"Frankly, no" Nadia shot her in the head.
Sloane gasped "Oh my god!You killed Sydney Bristow! You bastard!"
Nadia shrugged "I had to avenge Weisz's death"
Weisz gurgled "That's sweet, honey" then he died again.
"I'm disowning you!" Sloane cried.
Before Nadia could respond she was shot from behind. Her body crumpled to the floor to reveal Marshall with a smoking gun.
"That was for Syd!" His hand was shaking.
Sydney sat up, working the cricks out of her neck "What was for me?"
"Sydney, you're alive!" Marshall threw himself upon her, giving her a hug.
"D-uh, Marshall," Sydney shoved him off "I AM a Bristow"
But Marshall was already dead. A bullet wound to the heart. Sloane blew the smoke from his gun.
"Midget killed my baby" Sloane growled.
Kerry appeared out of no-where with baby Mitchell "AHHHHHH!"
Syd frowned "Kerry? You still exist?"
"Sometimes," She shrugged, taking a break from screaming "If the plot demands it. AHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Sloane sighed "Somebody shut that woman up, my hearing aids are going mental. I need a -"
Baby Mitchell shot him in the groin leading him to die slowly from blood loss.
Kerry ruffled her baby's hair "Good boy"
There was a few moments pause.
"Um," Sydney looked around "Isn't anyone going to avenge Sloane's death?"
They all looked around.
"Guess not" she shrugged.
-----------
The word <STAINES> whooses across the screen.
Vaughn scratches his chin "Hmm"
---------
Now <LOS ANGELES> whooshes to infinity and beyond.
Sydney stood up and looked around "Just another day in the office"
At that moment Michael Vaughn ran in energetically, his face covered in bad-ass stubble "Sydney, I just ran all the way from
STAINES (sounds of whooshing) to tell you I can't live without you. Marry me!"
Sydney gushed "Oh, Vaughn of course -"
Vaughn slumped to the floor dead.
Lauren holstered her gun and ran a hand through her blonde hair "Honey, if I can't have you...and Sark, then no one can"
"What! You're dead!" Sydney shrieked.
Lauren cackled "Oh, didn't your father tell you?"
Jack looked up, hands still wrapped around Irena's neck "Lauren, NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Yes," She hissed "I think it's time she knew the truth, daddy"
Sydney gasped "You're...you're..."
"Yes"
"...you're her sugar daddy?" Sydney's nose wrinkled up.
"No, just the regular kind" Lauren said "He had an affair with my mother, when they were drinking tea and wearing tweed in England"
Irena slapped Jack around the face "You hussy"
They continued to grapple on the floor.
"So, you see I am your half sister" Lauren smirked "I can't be killed"
Sydney frowned "But Nadia -"
"Is right here!" Nadia announced, gun pressed to Sydney's forehead.
"Hello sister" Lauren made a kissy noise and shoved another mysteriously convenient gun into Nadia's back.
Irena appeared behind her and held her gun level with Lauren's temple "Not so fast, hoochie"
Jack nodded as his gun came level with Irena's elbow "Same to you, dear. I'm not afraid to shoot off those bony elbows"
"Bitch" Irena gasped.
The entire Bristow/Sloane/Lauren'sSurname clan held stalwart for a moment before all firing simultaneously.
BANG BANG, MY BABY SHOT ME DOWN....
The End.
----------
"ALIAS" Doesn't so much whoosh as just becomes fixed on the screen looking very final.
"ALIAS" Types itself up on screen loudly.
A big ol' title comes up on screen "Los Angeles" whooshs across the screen.
----------------
Sydney sat in an office chair looking pretty. Marshall sat behind her, eyeing her up with his bulgy eyes.
Jack Bristow strode towards his daughter purposefully "Sydney, I've got something grave to tell you" his tone gruff.
"Dad?" Sydney's voice quavered "What is it? Are you okay?"
"No, no I don't think I am"
She stands "What happened?"
"I...I burnt my toast this morning!" Jack sobbed.
Sydney's eyes widened "Oh, dad!"
They embraced.
Jack pulled back "No. No hugging. I'm too manly. Oh, by the way I killed your mother again"
Before Sydney could react, a deep, rather sexy Russian voice spoke up.
"No, Jack, you simply THOUGHT you did" Irena Derevko snarked.
Jack spun around, shocked "Irena!"
"Yeah, bitch" She nodded smugly, pointing a nifty looking gun at him "I faked my death"
Sydney gasped "Again?"
Her mother smiled "And now it's time for me to pop a cap in your ass, Jack"
"Bugger" Jack muttered as Irena shot him in-between the eyes.
"Nooo!" Sydney screamed as her father crumpled to the floor in the middle of the L.A office "Mom, you Russki Ho!You just killed the love of my life"
Everyone in the office froze.
Weisz grimaced "Ew"
"Sydney, I thought I was the love of your life?!" Arvin Sloane wailed coming up to the side of her and putting his hand on her shoulder.
"Eccccch!" Sydney squirmed out of his reach, looked at him over her shoulder "Puh-lease. You were just a booty call"
Arvin dropped to his knees sobbing.
Sydney turned back to Irena "Sorry, mom. I have to kill you now. To avenge my father's death"
Jack sat up, rubbing his head wound "What makes you think I'm dead?"
"Dude," Weisz frowned "Why won't anyone in your family just die?"
"Shut up, Weisz" Sydney scowled "Some things have to remain a mystery. Like why you're a CIA agent when you're a whole can of lard-ass"
Weisz put a hand to his chest, appalled "I'm big boned!"
"No, you're just plain boned" Sydney announced, shooting him in the head.
Irena's eyebrows raised "Da-am, bitch! That was cold"
Jack scrambled up and barrelled into his former KGB, now member of the lady's auxillary, ex-wife. They grappled on the floor.
Sydney burst into song "Does anybody even nooootice? Does anybody eeeeeeeven care?"
"Frankly, no" Nadia shot her in the head.
Sloane gasped "Oh my god!You killed Sydney Bristow! You bastard!"
Nadia shrugged "I had to avenge Weisz's death"
Weisz gurgled "That's sweet, honey" then he died again.
"I'm disowning you!" Sloane cried.
Before Nadia could respond she was shot from behind. Her body crumpled to the floor to reveal Marshall with a smoking gun.
"That was for Syd!" His hand was shaking.
Sydney sat up, working the cricks out of her neck "What was for me?"
"Sydney, you're alive!" Marshall threw himself upon her, giving her a hug.
"D-uh, Marshall," Sydney shoved him off "I AM a Bristow"
But Marshall was already dead. A bullet wound to the heart. Sloane blew the smoke from his gun.
"Midget killed my baby" Sloane growled.
Kerry appeared out of no-where with baby Mitchell "AHHHHHH!"
Syd frowned "Kerry? You still exist?"
"Sometimes," She shrugged, taking a break from screaming "If the plot demands it. AHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Sloane sighed "Somebody shut that woman up, my hearing aids are going mental. I need a -"
Baby Mitchell shot him in the groin leading him to die slowly from blood loss.
Kerry ruffled her baby's hair "Good boy"
There was a few moments pause.
"Um," Sydney looked around "Isn't anyone going to avenge Sloane's death?"
They all looked around.
"Guess not" she shrugged.
-----------
The word <STAINES> whooses across the screen.
Vaughn scratches his chin "Hmm"
---------
Now <LOS ANGELES> whooshes to infinity and beyond.
Sydney stood up and looked around "Just another day in the office"
At that moment Michael Vaughn ran in energetically, his face covered in bad-ass stubble "Sydney, I just ran all the way from
STAINES (sounds of whooshing) to tell you I can't live without you. Marry me!"
Sydney gushed "Oh, Vaughn of course -"
Vaughn slumped to the floor dead.
Lauren holstered her gun and ran a hand through her blonde hair "Honey, if I can't have you...and Sark, then no one can"
"What! You're dead!" Sydney shrieked.
Lauren cackled "Oh, didn't your father tell you?"
Jack looked up, hands still wrapped around Irena's neck "Lauren, NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Yes," She hissed "I think it's time she knew the truth, daddy"
Sydney gasped "You're...you're..."
"Yes"
"...you're her sugar daddy?" Sydney's nose wrinkled up.
"No, just the regular kind" Lauren said "He had an affair with my mother, when they were drinking tea and wearing tweed in England"
Irena slapped Jack around the face "You hussy"
They continued to grapple on the floor.
"So, you see I am your half sister" Lauren smirked "I can't be killed"
Sydney frowned "But Nadia -"
"Is right here!" Nadia announced, gun pressed to Sydney's forehead.
"Hello sister" Lauren made a kissy noise and shoved another mysteriously convenient gun into Nadia's back.
Irena appeared behind her and held her gun level with Lauren's temple "Not so fast, hoochie"
Jack nodded as his gun came level with Irena's elbow "Same to you, dear. I'm not afraid to shoot off those bony elbows"
"Bitch" Irena gasped.
The entire Bristow/Sloane/Lauren'sSurname clan held stalwart for a moment before all firing simultaneously.
BANG BANG, MY BABY SHOT ME DOWN....
The End.
----------
"ALIAS" Doesn't so much whoosh as just becomes fixed on the screen looking very final.
I live in the past.
